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Mixed Emotions

Through last week I’ve working to streamline my systems and figuring out a new process for the flow of my program, which is really pushing my intellectual boundaries.

The interesting part is I feel a mix of emotions about it – Pleased and Excited, as well as Shame and Fear.

You see, my dad has been a teacher for over 35 years now, and for the past 10 years almost, he’s been nudging me to take up teaching. And yet, as a rebel I always wanted to find my own path. Dare I say, "Find My Passion". What that came out to be working with artists for sure, but my life working as an artist manager, or Event Organizer was always stressful and difficult. One, because I didn’t see a clear path and kept hopping from one thing to another. Second, because I was so focused on my selfish "path" that things at home were always a mess.

But then things changed. And changed in ways that were completely out of my hand. Much like the pandemic in recent times. Where essentially I had to choose a new line of work almost overnight. And my dad again nudged and I opted to start teaching.

Now the reason to not pursue teaching earlier seems very funny to me now.
One – I thought that it’s not a fun job.
Two – I thought that was beneath my talents (Talk about Cocky). Even though my dad was a teacher himself (And a GREAT one at that).
Three – I wanted to rebel, and build something of my own. Not get into the "Family Business".

And boy was I wrong!

Each point over there was stupid as hell, and I broke past my mental myths in the first month of teaching. Teaching is one of the most fun job out there. Teaching is complementing and refining all my other talents. Teaching something needs such clarity of thought, which forced me outside of my comfort zone. And well, teaching is a skill it’s not a business so that third one also went into the dustbin!

All of these are the reason I feel all the mixed emotions.
Pleased – because I love the progress that my current coaching clients are making, which makes me confident to open up a new cohort.

Excited – Because I’m curious about what new people and projects I would help people on.

Shame – Because I should’ve listened and understood and respected the importance of teaching long back before than I did.

Fear – Because as a business coach it’s also my responsibility to unlock the potential of my clients to achieve the goals they are seeking. And their failure is a reflection of my failure.

But I’m glad that I got out of this Media bubble of "following my passion" because I would never have then started teaching and coaching. I’m now cultivating my passion for these. And I’m having a lot of fun doing that.

And really pushing my intellectual boundaries to boil down important concepts and techniques in ways that other people – my clients can comprehend and implement. It’s really tough.

Published in Musings


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